Friday, July 3, 2009

Selling on Etsy, Aspergers and executive dysfunction

Funny how the small things are often the ones that keep me from moving forward . One of them has been being able to "name colors" when listing items on Etsy...and so I avoid listing . I had a similar problem with naming the stones I used in jewelry or the fabrics I used in sewing . Inspite of my constant reading and researching, my mind is like a sieve . I know aspies have a reputation for being great memorizers of information but I am on the opposite side of that spectrum . I can't even blame it on old age as I have had the issue since childhood . Am I not concentrating while reading ? On the contrary, I am complete and utter focus when it comes to reading about my "special interests" but language/words just do not stick . (note to self...ask DR is there is a test for "Teflon brain disease ") I think this is actually a contributing factor in my in ability to spell . I am not seeing the individual letters but the general shape of words and "guessing" at them based on their context in the sentence . Yea, it's hard to explain but I'm sure some neurologist some where could explain it....I just wouldn't remember what he called it .

Anyway, I'm not meaning to moan . I know that most of the human race has some form of cognitive disability...(How else to explain 8 year of GW Bush as president or to explain GW Bush period .) I just think that the majority appear to suffer from the "lack of intellectual curiosity" gene and the "lack of ability to use any form of logical analysis gene" . I'm just trying to understand what my weaknesses are to better map a plan of "highest functioning" . Unlike Aspergers, I don't yet have a name for why I can't recall words or spell the ones I can recall . I do know that it has kept me from going into biological sciences....those Latin names can be a bit challenging to recall or spell . Maybe you can think of some other potential jobs that might be difficult when you can't even remember your co-workers names or constantly call the "dishwasher" a washing machine ?

This I know for sure . I am not alone in my blight . I believe my genetic ancestors where the first to come up with some of their own language, for example..."thingamabobby" "thingamajiggy' "dudad" and "whatchamacallit" .

Once upon a time, I requested some form of neurological testing to see if there might be something wrong with my..."whatmacallit...... grey skull animal" but the DR insisted that they should just increase my anti-depressants for me . Kind as that is, I know the result of that is not an improvement in cognitive function but an even further decline in memory...(shhh, big secret on how anti-depressants work) . It is effective, in that you will no longer recall that you are semi-retarded and are thus less likely to be depressed about it . It doesn't actually help you function better nor make you less likely to end up in low paying, redundant manual labor job because you are unable to recall if you...... gave the patient the saline IV or an enema .

Now, the few times I have been able to recall the above issue long enough to try and discuss it with professionals, they appear to be very confused . They say comforting things like...."but you are so intelligent" I am assuming that their concept of intelligences begins and ends in the ability to form a coherent and complex thought .'s not and I know this because of how damn smart I am . Intelligence is based on function as a whole . A car with a perfect engine is not going to take you any where with out tires . (I have a flat tire right now, so very ironic analogy) .

Anyway, just thought I would share a peak into the grey animal that sits mutely in my skull while I am trying to retrieve valuable information, like what is another word for "light brown" ? Which is why I have posted a little color chart here for myself and anyone else who struggles with "names of colors" .

(And just for Eileen)...what am I grateful for...

spell check .

merino_swatches.pdf (application/pdf Object)

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