Existential Crisis or How I lost my mind on the internet

The Internet is so amazing, but then again many think the same about crack cocaine and I know enough to stay away from that . But the Internet is a socially sanctioned addiction that actually does have some redeeming value when used in moderation...a lot like food.

I am however, not a moderate person. Being aspie, moderation is actually not my forte' at all . So instead of listing all the new craft items I have been making at work so they would be there for Christmas shoppers, instead of blogging, instead of cleaning the house....I have been "researching" on the Internet . I think I added another 100 bookmarks to my current 800...and no, I can't ever find them when I am looking for something specific so the whole exercise is one in futility . Does that realization stop me....hardly . To quote an aspie friend..."I sure can be stupid for a smart person."

So what have a been researching, pray-tell....uterine tumor treatment options, lots of book binding, gold leaf gilding, tons of aspie sites, wool and felting process, art supplies, book binding supplies, pictures of Emu, Donkey pictures, alternative communities, alternative energy supplies, land sales prices, paper making, other tutorials, homeless bloggers and the correct spelling for Barada Nikto,( the command to Gort to deactivate is attack on earth..in case your wondering)...is their method in my madness . Once apon a time there was.
There was a limited amount of information that I had access to and I would seek it out, analyze the pertinent data and make a decision. But with the Internet, that supply of information is an almost unlimited and one discovery leads to a new interests, new ideas new theories and hypothesis and further research needed. Vicious cycle .

Just like food, I can not completely "cold turkey" my way out of this addiction. A brain has to eat after all and selling on line and the fact that this is my only form of socializing, requires that I maintain an Internet connection. I could? and most definitely should, learn to limit the intake however. Maybe a diet free of google like an Atkins diet free of pasta ? The very thought makes me shudder but I know if I don't do something soon...I am not going to be able to fit in my winter hat with all these pounds of added information .

I just have to go check my email and then I'm going to clean the house...maybe.

Crafting Tutorials

Only have a few minutes before I have to leave for a class but wanted to share a great new tutorial site. I love this womens writing and life philosophy and she has some simple patterns for my sewing challenged self. I had bought several yards of fabric that I was eventually going to make scoodies(hoody+scarf)...I didn't even know there was a word for these ! I don't really like tight fitting hats and am always losing things unless they are to big to lose, so this seemed like a good idea for me. She has some great pictures of the project and I learn much better from pictures then words, so I will be back eventually to show the results. In the mean time...check out her tutorials .

http://indietutes.blogspot.com/2007/09/scoodie.html

Life In The Fast Lane/sloths

I was googling giant sloths, (because I find them amazing), and came across an interesting new site that I am sure to spend much to much time perusing in the near future . It has some of the cutest pictures of modern sloths...just had to share . Although sloths don't look very cuddly, they appear to be designed to be perpetually smiling...I think they would find no problems working in the service industry where smiling appears mandatory .

Enjoy these adorable pictures...

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.lifeinthefastlane.ca/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/sloth_22sfw.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.lifeinthefastlane.ca/sloths-get-bum-rap-cutest-photos-you-will-see-today/offbeat-news&usg=__pPDNgba_dONvbUkui22rRgEwNto=&h=353&w=468&sz=125&hl=en&start=308&um=1&tbnid=Y6xK_NvpvhFNqM:&tbnh=97&tbnw=128&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dgiant%2Bsloth%2Bprehistoric%26start%3D306%26ndsp%3D18%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rls%3DHPIB,HPIB:2005-21,HPIB:en%26sa%3DN

I'm allergic to wool but I watched a cool video on felting and decided to give it a shot. I already had some felting needles that I bought to make my fur dog out of dog fur....(still haven' attempted that), and had some old wool sweaters that my bf never wears. I started by welt felting the sweaters in hot water and soap for two cycles and they came out really nice but I'm not sure how thick is "normal"...this are about the the thickness of a nickle . I cut the arms off at the shoulder, they are a bit long but can be trimmed to size since they are fully felted . I then took some wool yarns I have bought on Etsy and OnePlanet fibers and put them on the sleeves and needle felted them in place . Granted, not the most inspired design, but I just wanted to see how felting "felt" and how long it took . The answer is..a long time . I think I spent about 10 hours on the needle felting but it may have taken longer because I was working with thick yarn instead of thinner roving .

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it . Something about the sound and feel of the needle was really mesmerizing and I only lost a few drops of blood . I found the whole process enjoyable and look forward to getting some roving to felt when I can afford it . I think this has a lot of potential for further experimenting . I think I can use the yarn technique to outline designs and "write" cool messages in the fiber. I think the wet felting material would make interesting journal covers because it is so thick, I just need to figure out how to get it "book shaped" and then sew in the pages .

To many ideas, to little time .

Another Gift to be greatful for....

I just had to share this sight...simply amazing what you can find on the internet...if you will just get off those porn-sites and myspace pages and look : )

http://publicliterature.org/2007/08/11/online_books/

This is a place to download books...for free . I just found several classic books and it appears this sight even offers an option of listening to them ....bed time stories...for free ? A wonderful gift for us all .

Happy reading or listening !

A brief post on Giving Thanks

I just want to wish everyone a day that they can find 10 things they are grateful for.

As a person who has tended towards depression and negative ruminating, one of the most helpful things I was taught was.... to open my eyes to the small things in life worth being thankful for, (sometimes I need reminders to do this) . I know this can be challenging when life feels over-whelming and there is so much pain in the world . Even when my own life feels free of pain, I am often hurt by the pain of others around me. This seems to contradict some stereo-types of autistics being indifferent to others, but I have had others aspies express the same issue . It's true that I may often be wrapped up in my own interests and unaware of that others are hurting, other times I just don't know what to "do" to help, so I stay mute. But there are obvious sufferings that hurt like I am passing through fire . To see a vulnerable animal or child in pain, to think of all the "strangers" who are currently hungry, cold, lonely and lost to hope .

Today, my heart is with the people in India, but inspite of the medias lack of coverage of other issues, I know that there are also currently genocides being ignored and millions of people else where being exploited . These things hurt me . That we live ina world where people can inflict such hurt on others...hurts me . One very unhelpful thing that some people used to do when I was depressed was try and say I should stop thinking about my own small problems and be grateful that I wasn't starving in Africa . Is that really supposed to make me feel better...that there are people suffering more then me...absurd,( and honestly, always made my depression more over whelming) .

Instead, for me, the best way to feel some relief from all the worlds pain is to focus on the things in life I am grateful for . One huge one for me is all the people who extend their hearts to those that are suffering . Statistically, their are more of them then the few who wish to harm others.
I am grateful for the many people in my own life who have helped me personally get through some very difficult times.....family, friends and most amazingly...complete strangers . I am also grateful, for the few people and animals, I have been allowed to try and help . I see every opportunity as a chance to pay back the huge debt I owe to those who have helped me . I don't know of anything that feels better then knowing you have given a bit of comfort or love to a stranger or one of the dogs I used to work with .

I also want to give thanks for all the beautiful animals who have shared their life with me and the humans who have tolerated my "differences" and excepted me inspite of them . I want to give thanks to the artist and authors who have saved my life with their beauty, insight, and humor . You will never know how close I was to leaving this world but kept going because I had to find out how the story ended...(yours, not mine) . A huge thank you for the people who worked so hard to make the Internet happen and all those who have taken their time to keep it going . You have made some aspies, much less lonely and I think opened the world to us .

And to whatever power, created the million miracles I have found in the natural world...the shiny rocks, fuzzy animals, redwood forests, waterfalls and most importantly the ability to "feel" their beauty....simply stunning....Thank You !

It's a small world after all

First off, let me say that I wasn't hacked by some one from India but I just found that I could translate into other languages and that one is just so beautiful I had to give it a try .

Secondly, and this is a bit related, I was just viewing some book binding tutorials on UTube...(they have so many amazing tutorials on there...Love it), and came across my "mystery" book binding machine . No magic words revealed, but they did show the rest of the machine and how to use this part of it . I thought it was pretty cool to finally see it in it's "proper use", but am glad I didn't limit myself by thing of it as only "one thing" because it has worked nicely for other steps in the binding .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mx51OFjuaxA&feature=related

आईटी'स अ मॉल वर्ल्ड आफ्टर All

इ जुस्त फौंद आउट ठाट इ कैन क्रिएट थिस इन अ न्यू लैंगुएज एंड इ सिम्पली लव थे व्रितिंग...इसं'टी आईटी बेऔतिफुल ?

Second Life in real life.....Part One

I am so excited. The author of "Eyes of Time" is sending me more book binding material...some beautiful leather to re-purpose for book covers. We are shopping around for the most appropriate paper and he thinks 100% cotton sounds nice. I would prefer something a bit more environmentally friendly...perhaps 30% cotton and recycled materials but with no wood pulp . I would arm wrestle him over this issues but he lives a few thousand miles away . Once we have all the materials, he would also like to offer our services...his printing and my book binding, to other authors who want to self publish. Right now, there are few services who do high quality book binding for a descent price. I think we can offer it for less.

I know, the economy is in a slump and this may seem like an absurd time to be starting a business , but how better to stimulate the economy then offering a product that is not mass-produced but made for each individual to suit their needs ? That's the small picture but the big picture is even crazier...put on your seat belts for this one.

We want to start a community for aspies . The research shows that, as a whole, we are often under-employed and under paid for our intelligence, education and skill levels. I believe that we are an untapped and under-utilized resource that sit like a sea of oil beneath the tundra .....(and we can be tapped with out harming the natural environment of the local denizens. ) We all come to the community with a unique set of skills and interests . What keeps us from achieving this in main stream, NT dominated society ? Well, some do, but for others, I believe it starts with an environment that is hostile to our sensory issues . This isn't done intentionally or maliciously, but because the majority tends to design an environment that is most compatible to their own and have little knowledge of other neurologies .

Another is social skills differences. Some aspies would prefer less or more social contact then they have. They are forced into more socializing by societal expectations and jobs, or given less chance for more socializing because others misunderstand their "differences" . Over 80% of human communication is non-verbal and innate to neurotypicals . Most people on the spectrum are missing out on a great deal of that communication. It can be "learned" but even that takes a great deal of time and effort and detracts from other social expectations. It's a bit like trying to juggle 3 oranges while doing the dishes...you may get both things done but it's going to take longer, will not be done as well and some of those oranges are going to get wet . To me, it makes sense that we tend to be verbose...it is our main resource for communicating . I think after an initial period of mass confusion, we will eventually find our own voices with each other.

OK...I have to shower and go to a staff meeting...don't you hate when life gets in the way of your "interests" ?

This is only a test

I'm trying to figure out how to add a slide show of my apartment from a few years back


http://s215.photobucket.com/albums/cc63/krexafax36/Apartment%20tour%20christmas%202006/?albumview=slideshow

Glorioushats made front page on Etsy.com !!

A dear friend and someone who has done the most to encourage me to keep making things for my Etsy shop....Glorioushats

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=22903

Made the front page on Etsy last night. I tried to post a link to the screen shot but I was defeated by technology...again. So, at least I can post this link so you can see her wonderful felting and hats from her store. The featured hat was her red Transformer and it is eye catching. I also love her felted animal patch hats and cute felted electronics bags . You can visit her blog if you check my blog log on the right hand of the page . She always shares great crafting tips and You have to see her new puppy...it's the cutest fluff ball ever .

So Jane of Glorious hats...hats off to you . (yeah, I like puns,lol) .

This is the new toy the publisher,printer and writer of "Eyes of Time" sent me to bind his books, an others I hope. Thanks William....not to complain, but an instructions booklet would have been a nice addition. He says it's a book case maker, but I put a book in there and nothing happened . Maybe I just need to learn the magic words ?

Actually, I love new toys. My first job was to clean all the old glue and nasty bits off, I like my metal shiny . Then I decide that I could probably use it to hold the book block in place to glue it "IF" it had some boards for the middle bit. So I found some old wood and drilled some holes and fastened them to the middle bit....this way, I can fan the pages to get a good glue spread on the spine(honestly, I sort of know what I'm doing ). The blacknob duhicky raises the whole block up, so I figure I will glue the spine then flip it so the gluey spine is suspended but clamped while drying. Normal people use a book press for this but normal people have money and space, so I think this will save on both .

Once the spine is dry, I can use this for it's intended purpose and use it for aligning the book boards and gluing the face pages to the front and back and suspend the whole thing from the middle bit and press it while it dries. I think he said the whole thing should only take about 5 min but I assume he is talking about a parallel universe, because it will take me that long just to make sure everything is totally squared up .

As a side note...Do you realise the the spell check does not recognise the term..."blacknob duhicky"...must have been designed by some none techy sort .

A bit of hair bling . This is a french beret . On the front I made a beaded leather embelishment of pearls, copper wire, silver plate beads and two stones I can't recall the name of...ooops.

A couple of finished cuffs. I made my own stone bead closures for these that attaches to an elastic cord so it is great for larger wrists . One side, teal vintage fabric...I'm thinking 1950's couch material ? (Something very nubby textured and a bit shiny .) This was sewn to some thick suede fabric after the top was beaded with some silver plated beads, glass, picture Jasper and deep red jasper . It's about two inches wide and would fit wrists from 7-8" comfortably .( The other little thingy is a leather beret . )

More color and texture for your viewing pleasure . Orange, pink,blue, moss...wool fiber, silver plate beads, copper wire, gold plate collar wire, blue lace agate, picture Jasper...throw it in a blender then wear it around your neck. What else do you have to do today ? (I'm the blender, if the metaphor eludes you) .

Braided wool blend fiber over Gold plate base collar . Lovely blue dyed lace agate, picture jasper and silver plate beads on a copper wire . If there is not enough color and texture in your life...this should do the trick .

I was going to wrap this in beads on a copper wire, like I did for the others but I personally really like the fluffy look . This is a wool blend fiber braided over a gold plate solid wire collar . Easy on and off for the "clasp challenged" *sheepishly raises hand . These are some of my favorite colors, moss and autumn leaf . It is a bit tickly and not good for anyone with really bad wool allergies but I think it feels better then cold metal for winter neck decorating .

handmade copper bails

I finally got a few more of these bamboo pendants finished this past week. I think I have about 30 to take pictures of and list on Etsy .I'm thinking of selling them as sets of 4, for no other reason then I am to lazy to list them individually . Each has one side decorated with abstract paint design and one side with a picture . Hopefully, the sun will be shinning tomorrow and I can get some that are a bit clearer. You can't even tell these are copper and gold colors .

A phylisophical Essay on a messy house

Anyone remember what it was like to be 5....and bored because there was "nothing to do" . Usually that meant it was raining and I couldn't go out side and hunt for rocks , bugs and other bits of natural wonder to sneak into the house .

Now, I can never seem to find enough time to do all the things that I want to do , things I "need" to do and things I want to learn "how" to do . I blame the Internet for this.... it feels like being a diabetic in a candy store for me. I now have hundreds of bookmarks to go read in more depth...."someday", blogs I like to visit,(and will eventually list here, when I figure out how .) There is Wrong Planet, an aspie support site that always has great threads to read and respond to as well as links to other things "aspie related" that I like to read . Then their is Etsy...forums and stores to check out. My own store to stock...which I have sadly neglected of late. Emails from the author of The Eyes of Time to try and decipher, and others from networking sites I read but seldom find time to respond to . There are several crafting related sites I like to visit and some supply stores I like to go and dream about buying things from. Once and a while, I wonder into ebay and get lost in there. Mean while, back in three dimensional space....the cats are fighting again, my BF seems to think he has something to say that I just have to hear and the dishes need washing.

So here I am, blogging into the abyss with the nagging feeling that I really should clean up the house so that the land lord can come fix the dish-washer and not evict us for the crime of clutter . Which brings me to the real delima....executive dysfunction and OCD hording.

Now, don't misunderstand, this is not an isolated Aspie trait and many aspies are pathological about keeping order in their houses . Also, I don't live in one of those houses you see condemned by social services with cat feces, piles of Newspapers and moldy dishes . It's "clean" just over flowing, like a thrift-store cornucopia ...(appropriate because that is where most of it came from.)
I am just a treasure hunter with a dislike for throwing things into land fills. Living with little money has contributed to this....remember Grandmas drawer of bits of string, bolts and gag gifts ? Mine are filled with "crafting supplies" . Perhaps the problem is that to qualify as a crafting supply you need only be something I find "cool"...bits of metal, broken jewelry, a plethora of paints, pens, rulers, leather, thread, snaps, needles, broken toys and electrical equipment, hardware, fabric scraps, doll parts, fur scraps, and Misc.

My current system of storage is boxes, piles and piles of boxes. If I had the space, I guarantee you that all this would be organized...I like to stack and line things up....but the shelves are all full of vintage toys, Asian and Mexican sculpture and pottery, Ketch bits, stuffed animals and dolls. Any free space is filled with interesting sticks, bark, shells and rocks ......and it is all "valuable" to me. Yeah, the pot has a chip and the wood sculpture has a small crack in it's base but...it's texture and sparkle and visual interest to me. If I ever look up from the computer....I am not bored . I have considered selling or donating some things and may yet, but....what if it doesn't find a home or is eventually throw in the garbage by the new owner ? It will be my fault .

I know it sounds neurotic and probably is but I'm not sure if it is because of AS and hating change or being "abandoned" as a kid and not wanting to my "object friends" . I know my biological sisters don't appear to be hoarders but my bio-mother was and is and all indications is that she is probably also an aspie . So is it the aspie gene, abandonment or a separate hording gene ? Is it years of being to broke to buy new things and having to "make do" or some primitive instinct to not be wasteful, like many native cultures who used "everything with respect and appreciation" ? Is it an emotional attachment to objects or a desire for constant visual interest ? I don't know, but what ever it is...it sure is hard to explain to the landlord .

So, today is....make neater piles day . Trying to get the fabric in mostly one place and the book binding in another is the first step . Considering it is spread between 4 separate rooms...it will be a very long day .